Poops, Toots, and Diapers

So I’m so excited to talk to you about what’s not talked about…the rear. No really. I believe I started to write this post because we are full blown potty training. Pee and poop. All. Over. It’s all thats on my mind these days.

But then it turned into me. Yes. A women’s rear. Not the fact that I need to get mine in shape but about what’s not talked about. I realized today that every where I look in my house, there is a diaper. A poopy one, a pee one, a clean one…All. Over. We don’t have one of those diaper pales because who has time for those, I used to shove that thing so full by the time I had a second to empty it, the first poop I put in there was growing fur. I don’t have time for that.

I can’t believe I’m about to write this post but you have no idea how this is so misunderstood by us multitaskers! It may not be the most sanitary but try breastfeeding, helping a toddler open a juice before a mental breakdown, and sitting on your thrown. Sometimes, it has to be done.

Why is it that women are so embarrassed that we don’t poop roses and rainbows? Why is it that my husband can sit on his phone for 30 min and the second I give him the nod of “I’m going in”…the kids are screaming at the door asking me for something. If you let out some rainbows, let us in on your secret…my lucky charm is far from that pot of gold.

Anywho, starting from the very beginning when I pooped while birthing both my kids… and for those of you who say you didn’t OR you actually didn’t poop, then I need to give you a Golden Globe because I pushed so hard that I’m surprised that a whole happy meal didn’t pop out. My kids first words should have been… Do you want fries with that?

We can skip that. Starting from the beginning of the beginning before my kids. Yes, we talk about tooting and poops even before my husband and I were married. I told him the biggest secret a few months before we got married. I will never forget that I was taking these dietary pills before my wedding (which probably aren’t FDA approved but I took them just because… I’m trying to be skinny before my wedding)… Anyways we went out to a bar and had been taking these pills for about three weeks. We ate dinner at a sushi restaurant if I recall….I underestimated the tuna roll. The diet pill bottle did NOT say “be prepared to have the worst farts of your life if you are taking these and eating sushi”. Looking back on it, the bottle should have.

I have never seen a reserved section of a bar clear out so fast. My fiance looked at me and knew right away. He had been smelling me for weeks. We were both trying to keep a straight face…we both didn’t know if we should claim that it was me or be ashamed. The fart that I let out should have set off the alarm for the infectious disease department… And I’ve never said this until today (for those of you that were there)… it was me and I take full ownership. Yup. Guilty as charged.

More poop, another thing that inspired me to write this post is my daughter Westyn who is now eating more solid foods which I couldn’t be more impressed with. It’s so funny how the first little solid turd she had I yelled at my husband to come look at it because it was such a big chapter in our lives. And yes, he looked. Sometimes when I am done, I look down and say…”dang girl, good job”. We all need reassurance that it’s ok to go.

I made all of my sons baby foods. My daughter on the other hand is enjoying chunky foods over puréed foods. She eats 1.5 avocados a day. Imagine what those poops looks like! If she pushes out a seed I’ll do a post on an experiment and try to plant it…to be continued. 🙂

Anyways poops and toots are for real.

I hope you have a great one today.
And you know what I’m talking about.

Cheers and have fun on that Royal throne.

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