Baby One -something went wrong-

We all plan our babies from the get go. Have sex one time, get pregnant. Have a perfect pregnancy, make your husband rub your feet and you get to eat all the ice cream in bed. Then, a perfect delivery and recovery. All is well. Am I right or am I right? I want to share my birth/after stories. It has been on my heart for a while now to introduce you to how my babies got here. We all have our stories and it is time to share baby one.

I am an IVF mama. After countless attempts of trying to get pregnant, my husband and I had to seek fertility help. His “parts” we working all fine and dandy but it was me. It is really hard to swallow that pill as a woman knowing the one thing you were created to do was not going to be able to happen naturally. It was really hard for me at first to except this, but now looking back it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

After multiple tests, picking and prodding, and 2 surgeries, we finally figured out that both of my fallopian tubes were blocked. There was no way over the years that I was going to be able to get pregnant. I had to get them both removed in order for IVF to be successful. WHAT? Why was my doctor going to take away the only part of me that allowed me TO get pregnant…..on this one, I had to put my faith and trust in God and the doctors that he had led me to.

My first little embryo was put in. We didn’t know the sex and we didn’t care. First try and it took! For those of you reading this and who may be struggling, keep the faith.

On September 2nd 2015 my husband and I had a voicemail waiting my pregnancy results and I was not allowed to listen to it until we were both together. That night, as we pushed play, tears of joy ran down both of our faces as we heard, “You are pregnant”. I could not believe that we were about to be parents and was so excited to start this journey with my best friend.

My pregnancy was a breeze. Made me want 5 babies. I should have milked the foot rub and ice cream a little more though…..At just shy of 25 weeks, my baby was already head down and making great progress.

I had the blessing of delivering a beautiful baby boy on May 6th 2016. I had never seen anything more perfect in my entire life. My husband and I were brought to tears when we saw him for the first time and that will be a memory that will carry on for both of us forever. Delivery was quite simple; I truly believe that if you mentally prepare yourself for what God is about to give you, there is nothing you cannot handle. YOUR BODY IS MADE for this!

My doctor had told me that post birth, there will be some bleeding. I know my girlfriends warned me of this but boy was it more than I thought. She specifically said, “just keep an eye on things and call me if you are passing clots larger than a golf ball, have a fever, or are soaking through a pad quicker than within an hour”. The first week passed and there was a lot of blood, I had done some of my own research and knew that it was probably pretty normal. Some women bleed for one week, and some bleed for 8 weeks. I just thought I was taking a little longer….but what did I know, I had never been post pregnant before. Again, not clots, no fever, and no soaking.

Two weeks, three weeks, and four weeks came fast. My bleeding hadn’t got much better. I again did my own research and spoke to some of my friends. Most people see a change in their bleeding around week 2 or 3….I was going on week 5 and had not seen any difference. I was starting to get annoyed because I wanted to go out in public without worrying if I needed to go to the restroom…how in the heck do you do that with a newborn?! After debating on waiting one more week for my 6 week check up, my husband and I decided to bump my OBGYN appointment up early and get checked out just to be safe.

I went in to my doctor June 9th 2016 around 2:30pm with my son because my husband was seeing patients until 5pm. I told my doctor that I had not stopped bleeding and that I wanted to make sure I was ok. For 5 weeks I had not a single symptom of an infection or passing large clots….I got on the bed and she started to look….and then stopped. Then she called the second doctor in. She got the sonogram machine. With looking at my 5 week old son on the floor sleeping soundly and my heart starting to panic, my doctor looked at me and said “you are not supposed to look like this at 5 weeks”. At this point I’m sure the expression on my face was clear….”what do you mean” I thought to myself. The doctors explained to me that they could see just a little piece of my placenta still inside me. They also told me that they were going to try and move/pry at it a little to see if they could get it to loosen and then I could pass it at the office or at home.

It was at this moment when I knew something was wrong.

I could feel blood rushing out of my body. I could see it all over the floor. I could see it next to my son. I could see the sheer panic on my doctor’s face as she grabbed the sonogram and shoved it on my belly. There was a large baseball size piece that was behind the little piece they had picked open.

I was hemorrhaging.

My doctor immediately asked for an IV and said she was taking me straight to the OR to stop the bleeding. Any new mothers first thought? My baby. My husband is at work. Ok. You got this. Pray. Stay calm…. a rush of tears and fear came over my body.

I immediately grabbed my phone and asked my husbands staff to cancel his patients and come to the hospital because I was going into an emergency surgery. Simultaneously as I am getting whisked away to the OR they take my son and reassure me that he will be fine and if he cries they will feed him a bottle. I vaguely remember telling my doctor that I would kill her if they fed him a bottle because I worked so hard at a freezer stash at home. It was by far the scariest thing having your 5 week old taken, you whisked to the OR, your husband is gone trying to get to the baby as fast as he can, and you are alone about to be put under. But again, I tried to stay calm…

After going under, the doctors and staff finally stopped the bleeding. They ended up performing an emergency D&C (Dilation and curettage is a procedure to remove tissue from inside your uterus) to retrieve the rest of my placenta. I was awake about an hour later and more than ready to get home to my baby and my husband. The staff was very good and let me know they believe that they had solved the problem and released me.

A retained placenta is a potential life-threating situation. Deadly fevers, infections, and clots were symptoms that were supposed to arise that the doctors were dumbfounded I never got within 5 weeks postpartum. After the placenta is delivered, the uterus contracting causes the blood vessels within to tighten. In my case, the placenta was retained; the uterus was unable to perform this function, which caused me to bleed continuously for 5 weeks.

I didn’t want another baby a for a while after this. I’d never been so afraid in my life. Was my body going to be able to hold a second baby after this? I wasn’t sure if I even wanted another child at this point. I have never been through anything so traumatic in my entire life. I shouldn’t even be alive.

We all have our birth stories. But we also all have each other. I remember when I first started my IVF journey I was scared to talk about it. Ashamed to say the least. I wanted to share my FIRST story because I want my family and friends to know you are not alone. It is crazy because a lot of people don’t really talk about it until it happens to you. Talk about your struggles ladies, it will only make us stronger.

5 comments
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  • AmyFebruary 15, 2019 - 6:11 pm

    I love that you shared this mama!! I know it’s not easy talking and infertility and I’m sooo glad we had each other through our IVF journeys:)ReplyCancel

    • kurre273February 16, 2019 - 2:47 pm

      ALWAYS AND FOREVER!ReplyCancel

  • AshleyFebruary 16, 2019 - 1:52 am

    Oh this gives me all the feels! My heart hurts for you while reading this. I’ll have to share with you my war story sometime. I’m coming up on a year after giving birth and I’m a little haunted by it to be honest. Also, my mom almost bled out after having me due to retained placenta. Her midwife had to reach her arm all the way up to her elbow to rip the piece off. Thank you for sharing this. ReplyCancel

    • kurre273February 16, 2019 - 2:48 pm

      You’re so welcome and I would love to swap stories sometime! Glad your mother is ok!ReplyCancel

  • Mary LanzFebruary 16, 2019 - 2:48 pm

    What a absolutely terrifying postpartum journey. I cannot even imagine the fear you were experiencing. Your Faith kept you strong, God had a plan and you followed his footsteps. You amazingly strong young woman that I admire more and more each day.ReplyCancel