Yes. I wanted more than one kid. My entire childhood are memories made with my siblings. What a whirlwind of trying again. The good news was that I already knew I had to do IVF. I had another egg frozen and I was ready to take on the challenge of trying again.
Thoughts fill my head of is my body going to be able to handle a second child? Will I be able to stay alive if I hemorrhage again? This decision to put another embryo in was a bigger decision and risk than the first one. I had 2 people that I dearly cared about and there was NO option of leaving my husband without a wife and my son without a mother. I was scared.
But scared wasn’t going to help me complete my family. So, we did it.
All went well with the transfer until about one week later. I started spotting and just knew that my body had rejected the embryo. I went to my doctor and did the routine pregnancy test and went home to wait for results. After a long day of waiting I just knew when I got the phone call that it was a negative.
Boom wrong. Pregnant. Wait what? I had explained to my doctor that I had some bleeding. He said not to worry and that it could be implantation bleeding. We were beyond overjoyed that we were about to grow baby number two.
I will never forget the next SIXTEEN weeks that followed.
The bleeding didn’t stop. In fact, it actually got worse. Way worse. I remember this one time I just knew that I had miscarried. I was using the restroom and passed a clot the size of a grapefruit. I sobbed. I was so afraid that I was not going to be able to carry a child because of what happened with my first. I called my doctor and told them I needed to come in because I had just miscarried.
We prayed the entire way to the appointment. For clarity, safety, reassurance…I didn’t want to know that my body was going to be unable to carry another baby. The ultrasound tech came in and to my surprise, there was a heartbeat. There was NO way. No way. From my past hemorrhage I know what a lot of blood looks like and there was just about the same amount.
I was diagnosed with a Subchorionic Hematoma. This is where bleeding is accumulated between the uterus and the placenta itself. The entire top half of my placenta was bleeding. There is no telling if I will miscarry or if my body can repair itself. Other than when I hemorrhaged with my son, this was yet again a very scary part of my pregnancy. I bled for 16 weeks passing all sorts of clots not knowing if I was passing my baby or a blood clot.
My IVF journey ended after I had my last and final baby on May 30th 2018. I birthed a beautiful, healthy baby girl. I knew she was going to be my last child after my hemorrhage and hematoma. Now more than ever, I was needed. I needed to be there for my husband, my son, and my daughter.
Both of my pregnancies were very scary. One after I gave birth and one during. If you are struggling with your pregnancy, loss of a child, or trying to get pregnant… you HAVE to have the support of your spouse, your family, neighbors, and your friends. I always wonder why it had to happen to me. But reliving it now and looking back on it, it made my village stronger. My village was here when I needed them the most. My village was stepping in for my extra doctors appointments, helping me with my son, and giving me the support I needed during a very rough time. If anything, let me be apart of your journey. I may not know exactly what you are going through, but I will support you.